Between the new parents (my oldest daughter), the newlyweds (my second daughter), the college kid (my son Sam), his girlfriend and roommates, the Spanish exchange daughter thrown in just for the enjoyment of it, and the young adult kids of the couples we spend time with, my life is full of young adults, and it's great fun. I’ve been raising kids for a long time, and I will state without reservation that the 18-30 age bracket is the most fulfilling for me (and most expensive), and with the beautiful new granddaughter it just keeps getting better.
The very young newlyweds (both 23, married in late October) came up for an impromptu visit last weekend. My new son-in-law graduated with his master’s from Krannert at Purdue in December and got a great job in the automotive industry, and my daughter now works full time for Purdue Food Science.
We hadn’t seen them since he started his new job, and after all the congratulations and excited questions about his first two weeks at work, it was clear they were both feeling very confident about life with their now double salaries. So, in a twisted Dad way, I think I found it even more gratifying when they were still caught a little off guard when, about 45 minutes after walking in, I cleverly steered the conversation toward purging my daughter from the family car insurance and cell phone plan.
“Oh, I was just doing our budget so we could save for a house, and I forgot about those bills,” my daughter lamented. “That’s because you’ve never paid them,” I replied with a grin. “How much do you think it's going to be?” she asked.
“Well, with your impressive record of fender benders, the car insurance may not be as cheap as it could be, and the cell phone seems to just keep getting more expensive, but between the two I would say $200 to $300 a month,” I answered, feeling strangely satisfied as I said it.
“$300 a month!!!” she bellowed. “When will we have to start paying that?” the princess implored. “I mean, you guys are married and both have great jobs, so how about next month?” was the answer. She looked at her mom for some sort of respite, there was none. The son-in-law, sensing the awkward conversation and no-win situation he was observing, held up an iPhone so cracked up it looked like it had lost an epic fight with a grizzly bear.
“If we need to get our own cell phone account, I can get a new phone,” he offered. “You definitely need a new phone,” she replied, looking at her husband with some settled resolve, and just like that she was off the dole. Launch complete, two down. Very fulfilling indeed.
I have come to appreciate the artform that is launching young adults into independence. I certainly talk about it all the time with our clients. The conversations are mostly entertaining and always very one-sided (us parents, against them kids). Depending on the family, sometimes the launch starts at 18 and some families are still fighting the battle in the mid-30s. In an era, however, when the government says they can stay on our health insurance until they are 26, I have noticed the launch period getting later and later.
As peers and friends, it’s easy to judge the timeline and process other families use to launch kids. I find almost every family has some sort of pre-existing narrative about how they (the parents) pulled themselves up by their bootstraps when they were young and never got anything from anybody. These stories are usually coupled with some sort of value-based pontification about how other people are soft on their kids, while in our family we stress independence and fortitude. Most of us have our own version of these tales, most of us are, on some level, “full of it.”
After having these conversations with families for 30 years, give me 10 minutes and chances are I can uncover some hidden pocket of truth that conflicts on at least some level with each of our delusions of rugged independence (always check the cell phone, health insurance and Uber accounts). And you know what? That’s OK.
Modern life is complicated and expensive. As parents of young adults, we are required to balance this modern reality with the needs of each individual kid. I can say, however, after launching two of my own, and observing hundreds of client families launch thousands of kids, the one common denominator none of us escapes is the “awkward conversation” like the one from last weekend. So, for those with one of these conversations on the horizon, you are not alone, and if you find yourself anxiously rehearsing your strategy and timing, you’re not the first one to do so. Might as well try to enjoy it.
The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. Stock investing includes risks, including fluctuating prices and loss of principal. No investment strategy can guarantee a profit or preserve against loss. Past performance is not a guarantee of future results. This material may contain forward looking statements; there are no guarantees that these outcomes will come to pass.
