“Dearly beloved, friends, family, random bystanders…”

“Dearly beloved, friends, family, random bystanders…”

I was on my way to a wedding Friday afternoon when I realized I had forgotten to get a gift.

I promptly reached out to the couple, Thomas Rock and Pamela Kluck, in an attempt to locate their registry. After ten unsuccessful minutes in my parked car with Facebook's Messenger app, I glanced across the strip mall parking lot, toward a nearby Hallmark store to find another 'something new' for the pair.

I entered the storefront. Fran, a friendly clerk in her late 50's, noticed my lost expression.

“Hi, can I help you?”

“Yes, thank you. I'm in here today because I have a wedding to go to in two hours, and I haven't gotten them anything.”

“Okay, what's your price-range?”

“Twenty or thirty bucks.”

She brought a finger to her lips, and then it dawns on her. Wordlessly, she guided me forward.

“What's the couple like?” she asks me.

“I actually don't know them,” I reply.

***

Under her expert guidance I pick out my gift, a decorative, brushed steel wall hanging that reads “Mr. And Mrs.” in cursive. While at the register, it dawns on me that I'm severely underdressed for a wedding, so I decide that, should I get insecure about my wardrobe, I can always supplement my lackluster appearance with an extra gift. Perhaps an extra tube of kettle corn will be my saving grace. I skip the Hallmark Rewards Club sign-up and exit, pounding parking lot pavement once more.

I summoned Siri on my iPhone: “Downtown Crown Point.”

Siri, in a perfectly pleasant, artificially-generated tone of voice, chimed in to help. “You will arrive at your destination in 8 minutes.” I realize I'll have plenty of time to grab a funnel cake right outside the wedding. It was just my luck that the Crown Point Food and Arts Festival was happening just right next door.

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***

With funnel cake in hand, I settled upon the the courthouse lawn. A white metal archway was sitting empty, expectant, with flowers arranged at its crest. The stage was set.

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I recognized the groom. Thomas Rock is currently making zero-hour decisions regarding the pre-ceremony music that's to be played just before the ceremony. He makes his case to the DJ.

“She's arriving in a 30's Ford,” said Thomas. “I'm dressed in period clothes...”

Glenn's orchestra echoed off the courthouse brick. The groom indicated to the DJ that they had stumbled upon perfection before smiling, only half-present, now that the issue of music was settled.

I introduced myself to Thomas, who then ushered me along the lawn, following the border that the courthouse's shadow drew across the tops of our sneakers.

“When the town of Crown Point picked us, I was honored,” said Thomas Rock, the retired history teacher and avid history buff. Framed by the wisdom gained throughout his life so far, Thomas was sure of his selection for today's expedited ceremony.

“I know for sure,” said Rock of his bride, and in such a breezily assured tone that I instantly knew it was true.

Thomas's confidence, his anticipation of the pageantry that was to come, and especially the exhilaration he felt in our walk around the courthouse, all were palpable to me, which reminded me of my own marriage to a one Kailey Ann, forged by God and made official just two weeks ago today. Already, I am envious of the thrill the future Thomas held in this moment. I asked him a few questions and he responded cheerfully but briefly to everything I asked. It was easy to tell that his mind is on something other than my questions.

Those who have been in his shoes will remember that one should be considerate of the bride and groom's attention spans on their big day. It's hard for man-and-wife to make too many other decisions the day of their wedding, for a reason that's indescribable if you yourself have never been wed. On one's wedding day, the heart and mind decide to separate, for the first and last time since you fell in love in the first place. This phenomenon is a sort of test, written by your mind, then filled out by your heart, an exam which occupies both organs fully, making it harder for either of them to do their job.

We try to open the courthouse door. Locked.

“If my wife doesn't get in there, she'll melt.”

In the heat of an Indiana summer afternoon, Thomas wiped his brow with his sleeve. With his selflessness, he was passing the exam with flying colors.

***

The bridal chariot was parked along the curb, Pamela was walked down the aisle, and the wedding took pace right there, in broad daylight, as the smells of fresh barbecue and lemonade danced in the air. All who gathered rapturously snapped photos with their phones.

The husband and wife kissed sweetly, modestly. The wedding party, family, close friends, and one particularly eager photojournalist then enjoyed a toast of cake and non-alcoholic champagne, generously provided by the Crossroads Regional Chamber of Commerce. The best man put forth a tribute to Mr. Rock, the history teacher cool enough to turn his wedding into a historical rite that all could take part in.

I swallowed some sparkling white grape juice and smiled. Before everyone, here was Crown Point's “couple of the year.” With his arm wrapped around his new wife, Mr. Rock seized a moment of silence and recounted his and Pamela's honeymoon in Paris, which they elected to take before the public ceremony.

“We were posed in front of that famous scene [in Paris] and a car drives by and yells, ‘Ooh-la-la!’” he recounts, gleefully.

Oh, if only that Parisian could have seen the happy couple now. They may have yelled it twice just for good measure.

You can apply to be a candidate for next year's “Marriage Mill” ceremony. Calls for submissions are held a few months before Crown Point's Food and Arts Festival every year.