When one hears the call to do right by others, it heeds to answer. That’s exactly what Becky Brehmer did when she became a doula and unofficial “foster mom” to friends in need.
Brehmer was born in Watertown, New York to her parents who were both in the Air Force at the time. When her parents got a divorce, she and her mother moved back to Northwest Indiana, where her mother is from, and she was raised in Miller Beach.
Brehmer’s life has taken her many places. After marrying her high school sweetheart, who was also in the military, this time in the Navy, they moved to Naples, Italy, where they lived for about 3 1/5 years. After their stint in Italy, Brehmer moved back to the states, where she traveled a lot until settling in Northwest Indiana, where she grew up. Eventually, she became a doula for St. Anthony’s Hospital, now part of the Franciscan Health system, in Crown Point.
Brehmer’s motivation for becoming a doula, a position from which she is now retired, comes from her own experiences- While her family is quite large with four living children, Brehmer’s painful and heartbreaking experience with losing children also motivated her becoming a doula when she read about it in a newspaper.
“When I read about the doula program in Crown Point, I was so intrigued,” said Brehmer, “I felt like I had so many experiences, that I would be able to be with a mom that was going through anything.”
Very luckily, Brehmer never had to assist a mother in grieving a lost child, however as time went on, she began to revel in the experience of helping mothers, making them comfortable and happy.
“I found that while I was doing this, I wanted it to be a wonderful experience for the mom,” Brehmer explained, “as a woman, you hear all these scary stories about how women have their babies and I just wanted to help make it a wonderful experience. That ended up being my goal, much more than the babies, it was also about the moms.”
Brehmer’s role as a doula was one of fulfillment for her as well, as she helped integrate the mothers’ partners into the pregnancies, and the birthing and recovery processes as well and made an impact on parents’ lives.
“I loved walking away at the end of it, knowing that I made a difference,” she said, “I loved that I had tried to help keep the partner involved.”
Brehmer’s life has always been one of service inspired by faith, not just as a doula, but also as an official “foster mom” to both her and her children’s’ friends as well, taking in “extended family” for months at a time until they could get back on their feet.
“Over the years, it seemed that, especially with my younger son, he would come to me and say ‘so-and-so’s has a really bad situation at home, and his parents say it’s okay, can he come here and stay for a little while until they get things figured out?’” Brehmer said, “inevitably, the answer would be ‘yes.’”
There was even a situation where a friend of her son’s house burned down, and he stayed with them until his parents were able to rebuild.
“He lived with us for about six months until they rebuilt,” she said.
Brehmer’s family has, in her words, “a habit of adopting people.” She thinks of these people that she took in over the years as her children and family.
“I truly feel in my heart that these are my kids and grandkids,” she said.
Today, “Momma B,” as she’s called by her children’s friends, whom she calls her “lost boys,” finds her large extended family on Facebook, and she feels good seeing the futures they’ve made for themselves.
In fact, according to her daughter, Katie, for her mom’s most recent birthday in september, she and her sister reached out to all of “Momma B’s” many foster families to put the word out.
“She received so many birthday cards from all over the country,” Katie said.
“I’ve watched most of them grow up to be men and fathers now,” she said, “it makes me proud to see where they go.”
Today, Brehmer is retired from the doula business, and with her kids all grown and out of the house, from fostering as well. Before being struck with mobility issues, she loved visiting Lake Michigan in Miller Beach and Popcorn Fest in Valpo. However, with a new scooter one of her daughters has procured for her, she’s looking at enjoying those beautiful NWI attractions again. NWI is a place made better for Brehmer living here, and to her, there’s no place like it.
“I’ve been very blessed to have lived in a lot of places,” said Brehmer. “This is home.”